His sister, the current president, told me that the assumption going in was that everyone had a wing down, a challenge, the founders wheel chair bound body being the most obvious.  How do you think this impacted the way people worked together and viewed themselves and one another?   How do you think this might contribute to each person’s feelings about themselves and their own personal growth journey?  What might they feel coming to work each day? How do you think they choose to show up?

 My most recent and very obvious wing down experience came in the form of a broken arm (roller skating).  The accompanying surgery and inability to drive left me with, at first, unwanted time to reflect about my situation.  Immediately, the voices in my head started spinning my story. After all, I said to myself, “I am a “busy” professional and I really do not have time to “deal” with this.  Where did this story come from?  Is it my story?  Is it the one I want to live into?  Do I have a choice?

 My mind continued to spin:

Wow!  I get another one of those growth opportunities and a chance to notice how I am showing up and the kind of story spin I am putting out there.  (sarcastic tone) Dang!  I just want to hide. I feel angry, embarrassed, inconvenienced, helpless and in a lot of pain.  I see myself spinning downwards into a pity party and I don’t want anyone to know.  I’ve got to get my public mask on quickly.  Why?  What is this about?

I begin to step back, first seeing myself as in a video, and then vehemently expressing myself in my journal, finally laughing at myself – I am showing up in a ridiculous way and I know it! (smile)

I am so pathetic and I only have a broken arm – AND it’s my left arm and not my neck.  Whoosh!  I am beginning to get a better perspective.  Perhaps this is simply another part of my Cancion de la Corazon, the journey to my heart’s song (see July Blog and website article). 

What is my story around this wing down event?  What light is this throwing on my shadow self? Do I feel “she who loves me so” wrapping loving arms around me?  Am I comforted?  Do I feel less alone?  Did I ask or did she just come?  Was she there all the time?  Do I know this?  Do I acknowledge what I know?

How was I showing up before this happened?  How am I showing up now?  What am I thinking about?  Where is my focus?  When was I reacting?  When was I being or was I?  What are my deepest feelings?  Why did this happen?  What can I learn?  What do I feel like in such a position of helplessness?  How does this impact my relationship with my husband who choose to show up as my loving caregiver? How has this enriched our relationship?  What was hard about this?  What was easy?  What can I be grateful for?   How does this affect my thoughts about others with a wing down?  How do I show up around them – in the past and now with the brighter light of my most recent experience? 

How am I feeling, unable to do things at the level of excellence that I expect of myself?  Does this matter now?  Have I had unrealistic standards?  Do I still?  What is the reaction of others?  What happens when it doesn’t seem to matter?  What happens when it does seem to matter?  Does this make me less? 

Am I living  fearful of dying or focused on living every second of my life to the fullest?  What’s the difference? What is really important to me?  What do I truly value?  What is holding me back?  What moves me forward? 

Do I have any beliefs or mindsets around wing downs that don’t really belong to me?  Is there one that says, “once an A student, always an A student,” even with a wing down?  Do I even show up with unrealistic expectations for myself?  Am I loveable with a wing down?  Does it matter what others thing or what I hold to be true myself?

Is there something bigger and more important for me to focus on?  Is there something that moves my current “wing down” into mere inconvenience or trivia? 

What really matters?  Why am I struggling with my wing down?  What greater place does it have in my life?  Is this a story about movement forward or simply choosing to be?  As light illuminates my shadow, what do I see?

Do you have a wing down story?  How did you show up or are showing up?  What are you feeling?  Which way are you spiraling?

SHARE YOUR STORY!  SHARE YOUR MINDSETS and/or BELIEFS around WING DOWNS!

Holding the Empty Space for My Heart’s Song

It is so hard to hold the empty space during the wait for revelation.

Activities rush in like the tide covering the sand.

Consuming every nook and cranny of my personal beach

Until there is not dry space in which to sun and soak in the Divine.©

Liz Plaster, 3/06

My Casita

 July 1, 2009

The Beginning of La Canción de la Corazón, my Heart’s Song

Walking in to My Heart's Song

Not too many people are out at 6 AM as I begin the first day of my quest.  The light here in Santa Fe seems to make everything seem more crisp and clear. I walk down Canyon Road, one of the most beautiful and art filled roads in the world.  Everywhere you look bronze statues and fountains assault your senses, overloading your ability to take it all in.  The windows of the shops are full of exquisite art.  Flowers shout out their colors contributing the balance of nature and bringing harmony to this wonderful and outrageous display of creativity and freedom of expression.

 I am drawn once again to the Corazón Galleries, the inspiration for the name of my quest and its heart shaped gateway.  It is the home of Tree Goddesses with prayers sculpted in each lock of their hair by Heidi, their creator. They live in a glowing peaceful peach cocoon surrounded by fresh roses floating in bowls of water and filling the air with their soft familiar fragrance.  

 I am looking for more space so that I can hear myself think and renew my energy - hear my Heart’s Song.  Do you need more space?  Can you hear your Heart’s Song?

 O Sister Where Art Thou?

It is the cage in which we find ourselves,

The awareness that we cannot stay,

With the uncertainty of where to go.

 It is the will to leave anyway,

To embrace ourselves to see who we really are

Stripped naked on the inside,

Hungering to be clothed in the luxuriousness of our true spirit.

Liz Plaster, 5.16.09©

NIA Dancing with Kelle

July 2, 2009 – Replay

I go to “Body,” an exercise studio and spa.  Kelle, my NIA dance instructor inspires me to move and dance and feel with my whole body, digging down for the passion and energy of my youth.  I DO!!!!

 I am so completely energized; I decide to go to Yoga afterwards.  It feels good to stretch and twist my body and really focus on how each part is feeling.  I haven’t done this in a really long time.  I feel kinda proud of myself for making it through both classes. 

 I go from high energy to no energy the minute I walk into the door of my casita  and see the bed.  I curl up for just a minute and end up sleeping without stirring the entire afternoon. 

 Wow!  REPLAY! I have seen myself do this before!  I thought I had this under control – “the go, go, go, collapse syndrome” – the one that creates “presentism!”  OUCH!  I refuse to live and just be present.  Relapsing isn’t an option.  But isn’t that why I am here – to become more aware of how I am really showing up?

July 3, 2009 – No “Presentism” for Me!

Presentism?

Determined to be more sensible today, I just engage in ONE glorious, wild class of NIA dancing.  I go to Whole Foods for more fresh vegetables and fruit.  I eat chicken and vegetables for lunch and – I find I need a short nap AGAIN!  Is it the altitude?  I do a quick body scan.  My body is tired.  There is a small internal skirmish.  I have things to do.  However, I came here to really listen and be aware. I lay down, my body becomes still immediately and it awakes refreshed – this time in 30 minutes.  I feel re-energized and began my work.  No “presentism” for me!  How are you showing up?

 July 4, 2009 – Community

Community is the key word today.  It is people caring about one another and the freedom that we have in this country that gives them the courage to fight and die, to speak out, disagree and unite once again in a common goal. 

 Community is what I found at “Pancakes on the Plaza,” an annual Santa Fe event.  Even more fun was being invited by my friends, Jan Stringer and Alan Hickman, (authors of a fabulous new book coming out soon),  and their grandson, Slade.  Kids just remind us how to enjoy delicious pancakes, laugh, climb rock walls and play.

 Community happened again the evening of July 4^th, when my friend Maria invited me to join her and her husband’s high school friends for a lovely barbeque at a hill top home overlooking the mountains.  Surrounded by warm greetings, good food and western creativity unbridled, the initial experience was only surpassed by watching the fireworks from the rooftop deck.  Community is everything.  Do I spend enough time cultivating this when I am back in Houston?  Do you?

July 5, 2009 – Something to Share

Early morning stillness and a walk along the Santa Fe River create rhythm and relaxation at the beginning of my day.  Words flow out of me like water and I feel satisfied and content.  Later, I visit the artist’s home and studio in Galisteo of Pamela Makoya.  Are her daily collages, her La Canción de la Corazón, Heart’s Song?  Heart felt and exquisitely produced, I am touched by her soul expressions.  I want her to share them with the world.  Do I have something to share that I am keeping tucked away?  Do you?

July 6, 2009 – Must’s and Should’s Rise up!  Stop it!

Geraniums at My Casita

I wake up with the Monday morning weight of “musts” and “shoulds.”  What is really important and what is just busy stuff?  Exercising – YES!  Checking email  several times day – NO!  I ask myself – what moves me forward?  How is this aligned with my purpose?  What is my path?  This is my quest for my La Canción de la Corazón, my Heart’s Song and I’m sticking with it!  I seem more focused today.  Once again words flow freely and I stop and notice the sun on the red geraniums right outside my window.   What are you noticing?

 July 7, 2009 – Santa Fe Goddesses Celebrate the Moon’s Eclipse

Oh, the people you meet!  Sharing the same bluff overlooking Santa Fe in another tiny casita in the old barrio, is my neighbor, a well-known artist named Pamela.  My landlord insisted that we meet and so we did!  Pamela is a warrior goddess in flowing dress and hair, who creates jewelry and prayer books from sacred tokens obtained from many cultures of the world and nature.  Her Messengers are giant totems of meaning and spirituality.  Her home, a cave of Shaman mystique and authenticity, invite those who enter to show up as they really are, mask removed. 

 It is today, in this primal setting, that a group of six women come together to celebrate the eclipse of the moon.  Another “awareness” opportunity is coming up – I am focused.  What will I learn?

Goddess Friends

 This gathering is an opportunity to allow our inner goddesses to shine and to be wild, not in the modern sense of “out of control” but in the natural sense of “being real” and being “fully alive” – a longing expressed to me by both men and women.  We only drink lemonade and herbal tea – not wanting any substance that might numb our senses and keep us from really feeling “what is.”

 We eat, we talk, we laugh, we cry as woman often do, with purity and honestly that is both humbling and connecting.  The Moon’s eclipse is about letting go and about embracing change.  We write down those things we want to release and take turns burning them, finally releasing them to the wind – a healing ritual that I tell myself I want to do more often.  The ancient drums and rattles come out.  As the deep drumming vibrates to our core, we feel no judgment or embarrassment, just release, release, release –we hear own Canción al Corazón, Heart’s Song.

 Do you have anything you need to release?  Just write it down on a piece of paper and light it with a match, dropping it into a fire proof bowl before it burns your fingers.  Scatter the ashes to the wind.  Think about doing this with a friend.  Do you have one you would share this with?  Would you be embarrassed to do this?  What is this about?

 I offered this poem at the gathering.  It is dedicated to my beloved father, who, an expert flyer himself, taught me how to fly.

 She Who Loves Me So 

The great silver moon in all her fullness

Smiled down and gathered stardust

All across the heavens and sent it into my bed

To cradle me in its arms until finally

I felt safe enough to go to sleep.

During the night in my stardust womb

Angels came and kissed my hair and face, even my toes.

My brow was stoked and I became a child princess once again

Loved unconditionally and completely,

All memories of loss and despair melting away

leaving me whole once again.

She who loves me so,

Loves me just as this

Unconditionally and completely.

She is always beside me and

Whispers encouragement that

Gently leads me back into the life

We are meant to co-create together.

She leaves joy in my heart so bountiful,

It freely flows into the lives of others.

From Her Source I am grounded and sure

Steady on my course and

Confident that I am never alone

I lean into Her in gratitude

She laughs and pushes me

Off the cliff

And down I go

Until I think to use my wings

And fly.

 Liz Plaster, 8.10.04©

 July 8, 2009 – The Santa Fe Opera – More Than Expected

Though not an opera buff, it was essential to me, as part of my La Canción de la Corazón, my Heart’s Song, to attend the famous Santa Fe Opera, www.santafeopera.org.   I have the world’s best mentor, my friend Sammie, guiding the way.

 The world famous Santa Fe Opera sits alone on a bluff north of town, dressed in desert hills and open sky.  The tailgate parties in the parking lot include white table cloths, crystal goblets and an occasional chandelier hanging from the trunk latch.  The opera experience begins with a Prelude – a historical perspective and synopsis of the performance. 

 The opera is La Traviata by Verdi, based on a true story and sung in Italian.  It is the depiction of Violetta and her world in Paris as a courtesan in the 1800’s.   It is the story of her love affair, her sacrifice for love and early death at age 23.  The most famous screen version is La Dame aux Camilias, starring Greta Garbo and Robert Taylor. 

 The set of the opera is unusual as it designed around different sized cubes some 8 feet tall or more, all stacked like an artful block sculpture.  In one scene the sides of the cubes become mirrors and are accompanied by palatial art deco chandeliers.  In the death scene they are draped in white.  The background behind the set is open sky, as the sides of the auditorium.  

 Natalie Dessay is Violetta. 

Natalie Dessay (Violetta)

She is a tiny, exquisitely beautiful women with bright red hair.   The scene opens with her in a volumous double ruffled hot pink ball gown with black fish net hose and hot pink boots peaking underneath.  She’s hot!  – not quite what I expected at the opera!  I am captivated.  Her voice is incredible AND she can act!  Though I have a small screen in front of me for translation, I seem to be able to understand.  I cannot take my eyes off the stage.  Each scene is so beautiful I want to cry.  The last scene in which Violetta and her lover finally reunite - as 23 year old Violetta is on her death bed - lasts 40 minutes and I want more.   This is not what I was expecting from this opera experience.  The enjoyment I feel is better than chocolate and oh so much more satisfying!

 How do you feel when something happens that is more than expected?  Do you allow it?  What would have I missed if I hadn’t been willing to try something new?  What have you missed?

July 9, 2009

Today was the much anticipated adventure into Abiquiu and Georgia O’Keeffe country with the O’Keeffe Museum.  We have a van load of (as I find out during the trip), immensely talented and interesting women and one man.  It is led by a multi-talented artist, writer, and poet, named Lauren Camp. 

First stop is “The White Place,”

Rock People, Holding Up The Sky at The White Place, NM

the subject of several O’Keeffe paintings.  It is in this stark and stunning wilderness that the “rock people” seem to hold up the sky.  We disperse and walk our own path, sitting in the cool shadows of the rocks, documenting our experience with photographs and contemplating as we write about, “things we have left?” 

Our next stop is Echo Canyon. 

Echo Canyon

It looks like an inverted dish in the rocks.  Sure enough, everything you say echoes back.  Our assignment here is to write a poem resembling an echo, using repeating words.  Here is mine:

“Echoes, Boomerangs and Some Kids – All Come Back, Back ”

 I have thrown out a lot of things I don’t want back, back (echo);      

Like old lovers and tight shoes, chin hairs and smelly things in the refrigerator . . . .And thoughtless words –

Please don’t come back, back (echo).

 I want the book I loaned my friend two years ago, the athletic body of my youth and my mother . . . back, back (echo).

 Echoes, boomerangs and some kids – all come back, back (echo). 

Liz Plaster 7.08.08

July 10, 2009 – “Gratitude is the Heart’s Memory”

I felt a little tentative about today.  It is my birthday. Loneliness poured over me like cold water and I ached with the feel of it seeping into my heart.  Graciously, gratefully, the heart songs of my family and friends tuned in.  Beginning with my folks, I received call after call and email after email of warmth and birthday wishes.  Tears streamed down my face in gratitude all morning and I just lay curled up on my little futon and received it, not moving until noon to begin my day.

 In the afternoon I threw myself a party at the Tea House on Canyon Road.  Five new friends took time out of their lives to celebrate with me, a virtual stranger.  People are simply amazing in their kindness.  We enjoyed macaroons, scones, scoops of ice cream and pitchers of specially blended, refreshing iced tea.

 Gifts from the heart were an unexpected part of the day – a gnarled driftwood heart and original story, nail polish that matches my hair, a stack of magazines to use for my new vision board and art projects, and a small, exquisitely decorated bottle of water, a reminder of our need to care for, honor and bless our most precious resource. 

 I placed these treasures on my little alter along with the special mug my Houston friends gave me as they sent me off to Santa Fe.  The mug reads like this:

 ”She packed up her potential and all she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things.  Her heart glowed with a degree of happy assurance.” – Leigh Standley, Curly Girl Design

What are you grateful for? 

July 11, 2009 – Regrouping Again

I alternated between weeping and feeling exuberant yesterday, my birthday.  For a minute this morning, the high carried over, then I crashed down into an emotional and energetic low.  High emotion can sometimes affect me in that way.  It is as if the energy of feeling is so strong that it breaks a hole and just leaks out.  

 Being the driven person that I sometimes am (I admit it),  I didn’t listen to

An Artisan at the International Folk Market

my heart song this morning.  I attended the International Folk Art Market this morning and despite the incredible craftsmanship of the products, I was overwhelmed with the crowds and the heat.  Do you ever go somewhere even when you really know you should stay home?

 Once home, I slept once again, glad to be listening and responding to my body more frequently than before.  When I awoke, I was re-energized but in a quiet creative way.  I begin to finish assembling my new vision board based on the Feng Shui principles shared by my friend, Beverly Mattern, a gifted practitioner.  It is a visual reminder of my “great work, “and helps me to be clear about why I am here. 

 Most days in Santa Fe, I am inspired by the daily vision and interactions with people that share their creative talents in the world at the highest level of excellence.   I am stimulated to discover what I have to offer AND to put it out there, not comparing but simple offering what I have as part of my reason for being.

 Today when I am feeling emotionally and energetically depleted, I am noticing that the creeping feeling of inadequacy and intimidation is tip-toeing in – the committee in my head that says, “And just who do you think you are, and laughs mercilessly.”  I say to the committee, “Stop it.”  I scream the second time, “STOP IT.”  Then I perform a ritual.  It is one that I have used many times to silence that inner criticism and prevent me from spiraling down into self-pity.  I spend some very quiet and focused time in gratitude for the life I do have.  After all, what do I really have to complain about.  Then I read OUT LOUD and with SPIRIT this healing message: 

 ”Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous!”  Actually, who are you NOT to be?  Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you.  We are born to manifest the glory that is within us.  It is in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

  -From Marianne Williamson – “Return to Love” and Quoted by Nelson Mandela

 I reflect on the message below as well, knowing that each of us is the only “ us-es” in the Universe.   I believe that we are each created with a unique gift to share with the world.  Perhaps it is to simply touch one life and make it better, perhaps it is simply just to “be” our best selves, perhaps it is more.  Do you know what you bring?  What is your deep gladness?

 “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”   

-Frederick Buechner

July 12, 2009 – The Bike Ride – I Lived!

My little casita in Santa Fe is located at the top of a precipice at the end of an extremely steep and rut-filled dirt road.  My neighbors, Mario and Rachel, owners of Ink Santa Fe, a marketing firm, and experienced snow drivers from New York, had to buy a four-wheel drive truck to make it up the hill in the winter after their BMW failed the challenge. 

The Bike

 A few days ago, Rachel showed me the back way.  It has been there all the time, but it simply wasn’t obvious to me with the way the casitas are arranged all random, jumbled and undefined – part of the charm?  Different again from the grid organized sub-divisions in Houston suburbia.  Do I usually look for other ways or am I content with what I know?

 I brought my bike to Santa Fe and have been reluctant, even scared to ride (I hate admitting this – wild woman that I am) –

• because of the difficulty of getting down the hill with the bike (walking or riding) and
• the vision of merging myself and my bike into the narrow, busy streets of Santa Fe, loaded with tourists (like me) not paying attention. 

 It isn’t that I am totally inexperienced – after all I have been writing my bike since I was 6, but considering the navigational challenges, I definitely feel I need body armor, not just my helmet. 

 Seeing this back way, this other way, has given me a change in perspective.  I now know I can make it down the hill.  If I can do that, maybe I can cross the major street at the bottom of the hill.  I can stay on the back streets and occasional sidewalk as I explore Santa Fe. 

 Soooooo, I got on my bike today and flew down the hill (one of the brakes isn’t the best – shoulda checked) so I flew a little faster than expected.  I made it to the bottom, unscathed!  Ho! 

 I rode for two hours all over Santa Fe, by the river, down Canyon Road, all over the back streets of the city near the Plaza and even merged with the traffic a few times.  I wore my helmet!  Coming home (isn’t this sometimes the hardest part!),  I did have to walk my bike about 150 feet up this smaller hill –  but I made it! Hallelujah!

 Interestingly, I now am considering navigating the steeper hill in front of my casita. What is this about?  I feel energized once again and ready to start my new week.

 How many times do you only see one way?  What happens if you find another?  Are you willing to give it a go?  Do you check to see if you are prepared (my brakes – no, my helmet- yes)?  How do you feel when you take a risk?  Does it make a difference whether you succeed or fail?  

 July 13, 2009 – My Ritual of Movement

Creating rituals as part of your daily path, creates a comforting familiar rhythm to your day.  Done for 21 days or more, it can help your brain carve out new neural pathways, creating new habits.  Rituals are strongest when connected to emotion, your heart.

 As part of my La Canción de la Corazó, I built in a ritual relating to movement.  I like to walk and exercise but I must say, sometimes I haven’t done it for YEARS!  It is difficult to do something that your heart isn’t really in to and I wasn’t CLEAR!  Exercising to look good – nope – not enough when its cold or hot outside.  Hummm, exercising to keep my energy up – possibly but why?  I kept using the “why?” questioning technique until I got to the core of why movement is essential to me.  The answer is, “drum roll please”, “My grandchildren are my heart.”  Exercise provides ENERGY -energy to keep up and enjoy my grandchildren.  It seems like such a no-brainer but why have I NOT moved in some way everyday before?  Is it because I didn’t find the right exercise match for me?  Why haven’t you? 

Nia Spirit

I have chosen NIA in addition to walking as my exercise of the heart song.  Kelle, my NIA dance instructor (check her out) has a quote on her website that may give you some insight into why:

“While I dance, I cannot judge.    I cannot hate.  I cannot separate myself from life.  I can only be joyful and whole.  That is why I dance.” -  Hans Bos

  July 14, 2009 – Poetry at the O’Keeffe Museum

Creative opportunities abound here in Santa Fe.  Tonight, Lauren Camp, our leader from the Abiquiu O’Keeffe Museum trip, leads a poetry evening in the O’Keeffe Museum.  We respectfully enter the museum, a small band of poets entering the sanctum of a master.

  We gaze over her works from her trips abroad and have a delightful review of O’Keeffe’s work from that period and see some of her more famous works from her time in Santa Fe.  We have our assignment which includes a poetry response to the O’Keeffe piece that speaks most strongly to us.   I find a glorious painting.  Embarrassingly, as I examine it, I am drawn to a miniscule pregnant woman purched in the nostril of a mule’s skull (my interpretation, not intentional in the painting) in the 1936 O’Keeffe painting, “Mule Skull with Pink Poisettias”.   Sometimes I feel like such a dork-  I can only laugh at myself.

 As these women share their poetry, once again I am in absolute awe of the talent, the true voices, the authenticity of the creative spirits that I have met while here in Santa Fe.  My heart is overcome with the beauty of the words and small tears form in my eyes.  To be in an environment this creative, is to remove all obstacles in my path (“the good enough” thing again) and call upon my soul to release the flood gates of whatever gifts have been given to me.  I feel so humbled to be in the midst of such truth.  These women inspire me.

 Have you opened the flood gates to your gifts?  What is holding you back?

 July 15, 2009 – “The Elixer of Love” at the Santa Fe Opera

The sunset upstaged the buffet and the opera for me tonight.  It was wonderously complicated  – colorful, dark clouds rolling about with beautiful shades of pink, orange and blue, all tumbled, raw and completely breath-taking.  The sky couldn’t seem to make up its mind what painting it wanted to share.   I loved seeing it create.

The Sky at the Santa Fe Opera

 The opera, The Elixer of Love, was presented in such a unique way.  Sammie and her lovely daughter, Wendy and I were eager to see it particularly after our prelude guide tied it to the song, “Love Potion Number Nine” and told us about the priest arriving on a moped to marry the enchanted couple. 

Haven’t we all wanted just to buy a bottle of something or take a pill to get what we want?  “Viagra” might be the closest thing!  What potion do you want and why?